Regarding Thai girls I can't stress this strongly enough - if you meet them in the bars of Pattaya or somewhere similar then you need to regard everything that you hear from them as being a little less than 100% accurate... or just completely untrue!
Lies will flow from their lips without restraint or hesitation and they'll look you in your eyes whilst they are telling them… and they won't flinch.
This, however, fails utterly to convey the extent to which these lies are frequently swallowed up by western men. We are talking here about a time honoured, truly sublime, lying expertise with which Thai bar girls can seemingly effortlessly work their magic and turn an otherwise sensible middle-aged man into an adoring boyfriend or husband.
Nearly all of these relationships are built on the worst possible foundations, where the western man was initially only interested in a brief holiday romance, and the lady was only interested in financial support.
To be fair, these girls are not always seeking to lull foreigners into a web of deceit about their, not entirely genuine, affection. A few perfectly happy relationships have been formed between Westerners and Thai bar girls but, in a way, that is part of the problem!
If you start to get emotionally attached your better judgement will get pushed aside because you’ll know that, however rare they are, successes do sometimes occur.
There really is no way of knowing when these sort of Thai girls are being genuine and when they are not, unless you catch one red-handed in a lie, and it’s a problem that has caused untold grief to many an unsuspecting westerner. Dishonesty can sometimes take years of marriage to uncover itself, by which time the trusting westerner can have his entire life destroyed once he learns the truth.
There’s even an exclusive club in Thailand called the 'Pattaya flying club'. The flying club has nothing to do with aviation, but quite a lot to do with sky-diving off high-rise balconies to a quick, sharp, and sudden transition into the afterlife…
Such things really do happen and with alarming frequency once the truth comes out. The blame that can be apportioned to the women in these cases varies by a wide margin, but some have even been directly involved in disposing of their husbands!
In the vast majority of cases, long-term relationships with Thai bar girls don't turn out well. Fortunes are lost, family and friends are left behind, and when things turn out badly there is usually a good slice of humiliation thrown into the mix.
These ladies are not all the same in their methods, as I’ll explain later on, and some are not interested in forming long-term relationships at all. Others are primarily hoping to find a long-term wealthy benefactor or two.
It’s actually quite common for some girls to be involved with several western benefactors at any one time, with each of them completely unaware of the others, and each of them sending various amounts of support money to their girl each month from their home countries… and all this whilst their bar girl sweetheart is secretly supporting a Thai boyfriend or husband!
If you are in a typical tourist area beer bar and you look like you are enjoying yourself, you will be considered to be good company by Thai bar girls and:
Thai bar girls can be the stuff of dreams if you just need a temporary escape from the west with all its political correctness and social justice warriors. In Thailand you can escape all of that nonsense and date beautiful, slim, younger ladies by the bucket-load.
These girls are not necessarily bad people as such, they are more usually just normal people who are in a bad situation, for one reason or another. They tend to have serious family problems that can only be solved by larger amounts of money than they are likely to earn in formal employment, and so they turn to prostitution.
That does raise the question of what sort of relationship it is appropriate to have with a Thai bar girl, and for that the issue of morality with regard to prostitution raises its head.
I make no judgements at all on that score, I believe it to be a complicated issue and not easily resolved from a western viewpoint because these ladies are not western, and they have some very different values.
With that said, you should be aware that prostitution is actually illegal in Thailand, so there at least you have some clarity. As for the rest, as they say in Thailand, it's up to you…
If you would like to read some readers' stories about Thai girls and their escapades with them, click here.
It is important to understand that the difference between regular Thai girls and prostitutes is just as significant as it is in your own country.
You will probably hear plenty of self-proclaimed western ‘experts’ insist that there is no difference and that you should trust no one. These experts tend to have gained all of their experience in the tourist areas, they’ve been burned by one girl after another, and they refuse to learn from their mistakes.
If you get involved with a lady from a traditional Thai background then you have every chance of long-term relationship success. However, if you choose a much younger starry-eyed girl with ideas about a better life, you should expect trouble ahead...
If you take some time to learn about the local culture, you will VASTLY improve your chances of finding a suitable trustworthy lady for love and marriage.
If long-term success interests you:
I STRONGLY advise you to read my Thai Dating Strategy (it’s FREE!).
As I mentioned earlier, different types of Thai bar girls have different methods of parting you from your cash, so here is my lowdown on the four main types and what you should expect from them.
The standard beer bar girl is the most dangerous in terms of winning you over in the long-game. If you end up falling in love, my guess is that it will be with one of these ladies.
The reason is usually because these girls are often very attentive to their man’s needs in a way that is not common in the West. Things like cleaning, and tidying up your mess, are typical. Folding away your clothes, drying you down with a towel after you step out the shower, making the bed… even putting toothpaste on your toothbrush for you, is not unheard of.
If you ask a beer bar girl where she would like to go, she will normally reply softly in broken English “I go where you go”. It’s all very endearing and quite easy to fall for.
At the end of your vacation, there may well be some real attachment between the two of you. You will have shared plenty of good times together and the thought of separating might not be a happy one. In fact, leaving Thailand at all might seem like a terrible idea!
When the departure date arrives, your girl will almost certainly want to accompany you to the airport and I’ll bet that there will be tears in her eyes when you say your final goodbyes... this is not at all unusual for these Thai girls.
If you made the mistake of exchanging phone numbers, you can bet that your phone will soon be ringing after you get back home...
This are typical developments that lead to the sort of tragic relationships that I keep banging on about. In other scenarios, some Westerners have even gone as far as establishing some sort of formal relationship with the girl before leaving Thailand. The arrangement usually works out that the girl will give up her bar work and return to her home village to await your return whilst you will send an agreed amount of cash each month so that she doesn’t need to work.
You may also be asked to pay a ‘separation’ fee to her bar if you want her to stop working there immediately. This fee is a con whereby the bar’s manager and the girl herself will each pocket a share of your money.
In reality the girl doesn’t stop working in the bar at all! Even worse, she may well already have similar arrangements with several other western men, none of whom are aware of each other. Believe me, it happens all the time.
In general, Thai gogo girls are a definite class up in terms of overall physical beauty compared to the girls that work in the beer bars. They are usually shapely and slim, and they are usually a bit younger than most Thai girls in the bar scene.
Thai gogo girls are very approachable and they will be happy to accept a drink from you if you want one to come and sit with you. The ensuing conversation usually goes along the lines of “where are you from?”, “how long are you staying?” and “what hotel are you staying at?”
From this the girl will get an idea of how much money you’ve got to spend and how long she has got to convince you to part with it. As with the other girls, you can have a lot of fun with the gogo girls and you certainly get to see what is on offer before you choose which one to approach.
‘Long-time’ (a day or more) arrangements are harder to arrange with Thai gogo girls as they tend to specialize in the ‘short-time’ (an hour or two) acquaintances.
Because of the short-time nature of their meetings with men you don’t normally find that the girls try to convince you that they are suitable for long-term relationships in the way that a beer-bar girl might. It might happen though so be on your guard.
Whereas it is extremely risky to get involved with a girl you meet in a beer-bar, it is just insane to get involved with a girl from a gogo bar. There’s no way that a Thai man would get serious with a gogo girl (except if he is poor and she was giving him her cash!), so you shouldn’t either.
These ladies have almost always had a number of years working in the nightlife industry and it is an industry that is not suited to finding a life-long romantic partner. Don’t fall for any stories about her only working there for this or that reason and that with a small financial contribution from you each month she can stop working and blah blah blah!
For Thai girls that you meet in nightclubs/discos I have two very different recommendations to make:
Thai nightclub girls, the respectable sort, are very different to the kind of girls that you get in clubs back home. You can actually speak to them without them looking at you as if you have just gravely insulted her ancestry. The ‘untouchable’ attitude that you get from girls back home (even if they are old, ugly and overweight) does not exist in Thailand and you can rest assured that your attention will be much appreciated, even if it is just for a friendly chat and nothing more.
The less respectable ladies are there for financial purposes as you might expect. Unlike the usual 'freelance' working girls i.e. street-workers and so on, I do think that the nightclub girls are a reasonably trustworthy lot as far as personal safety is concerned (I’ll explain what I mean by this in the next section about street girls).
Many of the nightclub girls are not full-time working girls; it is fairly common to find University students there that need an income top-up. These girls usually work on weekends only… unless they are urgently in need of some extra cash.
As with the other freelance girls, you do not have a return address to go to and register a complaint if things go badly. It won’t do you any good to complain to the nightclub management because the girl will just be another customer as far as they are concerned.
Thai street girls are, to be blunt, usually the oldest and ugliest of the working-girls in Thailand. Technically speaking they are not Thai bar girls, they are freelance girls, but many of them have previous experience with a bar or two.
I’m guessing that you would have absolutely no intention whatsoever of forming any kind of long lasting romantic relationship with these ladies but I thought I’s include some info because there are extra risks attached to these girls that really ought to put you off having any kind of contact with them at all.
There are frequent cases in Pattaya and similar places where one tourist or another has been robbed by a girl working as a freelance street hooker. The victim is often drugged and then wakes up feeling terrible the next day only to find that all of his money and valuables have gone missing.
There was even a case a few years back that hit the Pattaya news headlines where a tourist, German I think, was overdosed on drugs and died. CCTV cameras revealed that he had accompanied a lady back to his room the night before. The culprit was eventually found and prosecuted but there are other opportunist thieves and dangers out there.
If you meet someone that works in a bar, restaurant or shop, you have somewhere to go to trace the girl if you get treated badly. Because of that fact, you are far less likely to get treated badly in the first place. I’m not saying that mistreatment from Thai street girls is guaranteed, far from it, but who needs the extra risk?
Another risk relates to the age of some of the freelance girls. Some are young…. very young! The last thing that you want to do is end up having relations with an underage girl in Thailand. The safest policy on this one is to make absolutely certain that any Thai girls you approach are well above 18 by choosing those that appear to be in their mid-20’s or older.
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