Randolph (from the USA)
Now the other subject of her husband, well that seemed a little more vague. She never really seemed to be able to accurately explain what they fought about – only that he was being mean. I remember she once asked me if she could sell her car even though he had bought it and his name was on the registration.
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They apparently had a fight and he used a curse word at her and she felt that was her limit. She wanted to sell the car and use the money to fly back to Thailand, of course without telling him.
When I advised her that might not be the most prudent idea, she was distraught and assured me that she could not stay in a marriage when he had cursed at her. When I asked what had started the fight, she could only tell me how upset she was for having been cursed at. I still have no idea what they were fighting about. Nonetheless, a few days later all seemed well as if nothing had ever happened. I never brought it up again, but our conversations (well, her complaining) did allow me the opportunity find out more about their relationship and how it came to be.
Apparently, after breaking up with her first (cheating) boyfriend she was struggling to pay her rent and just bills in general. That was when one of her close girlfriends from the restaurant let her move into the townhouse she shared with her boyfriend. Well, she went on to tell me how she got to see up close just how awful this girl was to her boyfriend and that she knew her friend was cheating on him. Supposedly the girlfriend eventually upped and left leaving my friend and this girl’s now ex-boyfriend sharing a townhouse – separate bedrooms of course.
She said that slowly she could tell that this guy started to show
feelings for her. She said at first she was not interested, but that he
started to pack lunch for her and would call her when she was at work to
ask if she was okay. She said this let her know that he really cared
for her and she then fell in love with him – but still insisted they
maintained separate bedrooms in this same house.
From there they began as a couple and eventually got married. When I looked back, some of the details like her not being interested at first had been previously revealed, but the whole story of living in the same house with the original girlfriend had never before been mentioned. Although she was adamant that nothing had ever developed between her and her eventual husband prior to the departure of his ex-girlfriend.
I never learned the specific details that led to her getting married so soon after her mother’s death, but one fact that was revealed to me blew me away. Despite being married and even spending time together in Thailand, he never introduced her to his family. They have now been married for close to five years and despite having both been back to Thailand on trips together, his family still has no idea she even exists. When they return to Thailand, he goes off to live with his family and she stays with hers and then they reunite as a married couple once they get back to America.
She even told me a story of how they got off the plane together and he could see his mother and sisters waiting at the gate. He sped up and moved to one side so that there were several people in between so his family wouldn’t see him walking next to her and ask questions. She quietly skulked off and watched him greet his family from afar as if just another face in the crowd. She said that she did not see or hear from him again until a month later when they were both on board the plane to return them to America.
I know this lack of meeting his family caused her anguish and was probably the cause of many of their fights. She tried to explain his rationale for the lack of meeting his family, but I was not quite clear if it was for cultural reasons which I couldn’t understand or if it was because he was just using her while he was in America, or something in between.
As he came from an extremely wealthy family, apparently he was afraid his mother would not accept her and this would create unnecessary trouble with his family – perhaps even cut off the stream of money. I guess the rich husband was afraid his mother would feel his wife was not of the appropriate social class and therefore not deserving of her son. While I know my friend did not like the situation, she often rhetorically asked, “But what can I do?” And eventually there would be threats of secretly leaving him, she never went through with it. I even suspect that on some of his return trips to Thailand, his mother was introducing him to girls which she felt were acceptable for her son – but then again, as she didn’t even know that her son already had a wife, can you blame her?
After a couple years of working at my company, she inexplicably decided to stop talking to me. It even got to the point when if she was talking with a group of co-workers and I walked up and joined the conversation, she would slowly walk off. She never made a scene or drew attention to herself, but it was definitely noticed by others. My requests to join me for lunch which had been happily accepted in the past were greeted with a nervous smile and a curt, “No thank you.”
At first I was concerned. Perhaps something had happened to her to affect her attitude. And then feelings of irritation began to creep in. I mean after all I had done to help her, including getting her a job, she had the nerve to cut off our friendship without the slightest explanation. I approached her several times to explain how I felt and ask her what had happened. I made sure I was not confrontational or that others weren’t within earshot as I didn’t want to embarrass her. The issue was always dismissed politely as if nothing was wrong, but the conversation would end quickly with a look that said there was no more that needed to be discussed. This went on for about the last year. We would greet each other in the hall with superficial pleasantries, but nothing ever further, until…
She walked into my office and told me that she was quitting and returning to Thailand. Apparently her husband had informed her with little advance notice that he was returning to Thailand (alone) for six months to investigate the possibility of starting a business and they would then decide whether to move there permanently or not. Not wanting to let her husband return by himself, she had decided to quit her job and was going to go with him – even though it meant they would be living separately.
Her husband had apparently told her that he thought it unwise for her to quit her good paying job in America, but she was determined to go and was convinced that this would be a permanent move for them to Thailand. She knew in her heart that Thailand was where she wanted to be, but was apprehensive about finding a new job there, and that is why she was now in my office after hardly speaking to me for a year. She asked if I would write her a letter of recommendation she could use in her resume. Did I do it – did I tell you how she is the most amazing looking woman I had ever seen on the face of this planet?
So, they sold her car and packed up their belongings and off to Thailand they went. I’ve sent her a couple messages to see how things were progressing. I actually got one short response saying she had made it to Thailand okay, but haven’t heard anything else. And once again, I’ve since been revealed unsolicited information about her by her friends in her absence.
One of them stated that she told her that she stopped talking to me because she was afraid if people in the office saw us talking too much that they would think we were having an affair. Seems kind of silly for someone with whom you’ve been friends for fifteen years, but if that was a real concern, I would tend to think she could have told me that she was worried about that perception. I was informed that wasn’t the “Thai” way to handle it.
Yet another girl claimed that my beautiful friend told her that she was concerned I was falling in love with her and that is why she stopped talking to me. She supposedly said that she was concerned that by revealing her problems about her husband to me that this would somehow make me fall in love with her. I didn’t understand the logic of that one. Nonetheless, if true, then why did she tell me about her problems – I never asked, she always dominated our conversation with the subject. For all I care, she could’ve been reading the phone book to me – just as long as I got to see her do it. Again, exposing the problem and then resolving it apparently wasn’t the “Thai” way, but avoiding the issue (and me too) was.
There is probably a lesson somewhere in all of this – and it’s probably one that I haven’t learned. All in all, I must say the inconsistencies and never really seeming to know where I stood (even as just a friend) with this girl has been frustrating, but it’s not as if I’ve risked much of anything other than time. But is the story over? Well, one of the girls at the restaurant just told me last week that she “accidentally” talked to my friend’s husband (what exactly that means, I do not know) and he said he plans to return to America in a few months and he never sold his townhouse. So does this mean she will be returning with him? I don’t know, but if it does, you can be sure I’ll be contacted if she “needs” something. Will I help her out once again? Wow, she is so beautiful.
A Thai Girl Story Part 1...
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