Why do Thai bar girls get attached?
By Jim (from the UK)
My friends gave me lots of advice about Thai bar girls before I visited the land of smiles for the first time. The most common piece of advice was in relation to something that they referred to as the three day rule which involved limiting time with one girl to a maximum of three days. I did not really understand this concept at first. It seemed very strange to me. Surely, if you enjoyed spending time with a certain girl then it would make sense to stay with them? What could possibly go wrong?
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I was not visiting Thailand with the intention of beginning a long term relationship. My visit was purely for fun and relaxation. Of course, I had heard many stories about the nightlife in places like Pattaya, Phuket and Bangkok. I was aware of the potential to hire Thai bar girls for the evening and, in all honesty, this was probably the biggest attraction.
I had decided to spend the entirety of my first visit in Pattaya. Some of my friends lived in the area and I felt that it would be a great place to base myself. After arriving at my hotel, I quickly showered and changed clothes and headed out to meet some of my friends. We had arranged to meet in a bar on Soi 7 for an afternoon of drinking and fun. Having never been to Pattaya before, the journey on the back of a motorbike taxi, passing beautiful Thai bar girls was an unbelievable experience. I was sure that I had made the right choice in terms of location. My friends were already waiting for me in the bar. They seemed just as excited as I was and were looking forward to showing me all that Pattaya had to offer. As someone that has now been to Thailand many times, I understand the appeal of showing a newcomer the sights.
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The bar on Soi 7 was packed with Thai bar girls all eager to help you relax and spend some of your holiday budget on drinks. My friends had already noted my reaction to one bar girl in particular and warned me to take my time and have a look around first. Impossible. This girl was stunning and, much to the dismay of my friends, I decided to bar-fine her. The process of taking a girl from a bar usually involves the payment of a bar-fine. This can vary in price depending upon the location and quality of the bar and its girls. In Pattaya, you can expect to pay between 300 and 500 baht. This payment is made in order to compensate the bar for the loss of the girl for a period of time. Da was only 21 years of age and very loud and excitable. If I was looking for fun then this was surely the girl for me. Unperturbed by the protestations of my friends, I paid the bar-fine and Da went to get changed. My friends decided not to choose a girl from that particular bar which seemed rather odd to me as there were some really attractive ladies working there.
As our group made our way from one bar to another, I began to realise my mistake. There were just so many girls to choose from. This is not to say that I was not happy with Da. She was undoubtedly very attractive and her personality was exactly what I liked in a girl. We had a great time together which culminated in dancing the night away in a disco on Walking Street. Da stayed the night with me and everything was great. We sat around the pool on the following morning and enjoyed some breakfast. It was at this point that she asked me if I wanted to bar-fine her again. Of course I did, I was hooked. I gave her the money to go and pay the bar-fine for the next 7 days which made her very happy. If only I had remembered the advice about the three day rule.
Da and I became inseparable, much to the amusement of my friends. Wherever I went, Da went with me. I never realised just how attached she was getting to me. My friends had discussed this with me a few times already but I dismissed their advice. I understood that it was just a bit if fun. Da was a bar girl, she knew how things worked. Didn’t she? It would appear not. The first warning sign came after two days. It was a friend’s birthday and it was to be a strictly no ladies night. This meant that Da and I would be apart for the first time as I partied the night away in Go Go bars and disco’s. Da was not amused at all. Her relaxed, pleasant nature evaporated and my mobile phone did not stop ringing all night as she made excuse after excuse to contact me. This was certainly not what I had envisaged. My friends had warned me about this. The three day rule was rearing its head again. I concurred that perhaps I had been too hasty in deciding to spend my entire trip with one girl.
During the course of the evening, I watched on as my friends enjoyed the company of various Thai bar girls and Go Go dancers. What was the situation with Da? Would she be upset if I enjoyed myself? We were not in a relationship so I decided to join in the fun. After one too many shots of tequila I could not resist temptation any more. The night concluded with me checking into another hotel with a Thai bar girl.
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Facing the music
I returned back to my hotel room around 7am. Da was sat on the end of the bed crying which made me feel very guilty. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she knew I had been with another girl. She really tugged at my heart strings when she told me that she was sorry for not being good enough for me. I felt terrible. I decided there and then that I would honour my promise and spend the rest of my holiday with Da. I did not think that I had a choice, I felt obliged to do so.
My friends were not impressed with another example of my naivety. They told me that Da was playing the game with me. Apparently, this was common practice for a Thai bar girl. Once again, their warnings went unheeded and I stuck to my original plan of remaining in the company of Da. The rest of my holiday passed without incident. I was content with the situation but felt a little pressured. I could not be myself. Da began to get more and more insecure and would get angry if I suggested that we met up with my friends. She saw them as a bad influence that would lead me into the arms of another bar girl. How could she fall in love with me so quickly?
Returning to the UK
Da accompanied me to the airport in the taxi. I was unsure as to what the future held for us. I was concerned about how possessive and controlling she was becoming. The transformation from when I first met her to how she behaved now was quite staggering. I could not believe it was the same girl. I felt somewhat responsible for the situation and her behaviour so I suggested that we keep in touch and I would return the following month to see her. She appeared happy and promised that she would work as a cashier and would not spend the night with anybody else. She wanted us to be a couple and I agreed to give it a go.
We said goodbye to each other and she returned to Pattaya in the taxi. After checking in and having a few drinks I called my friends in Pattaya using Skype. They were keen to know about the situation. When I told them about what I had agreed to, I was greeted by howls of laughter. What was so funny? I liked Da and she certainly liked me a lot. What was the problem? My friend moved his phone so that I could see where they were. “Look at this” he said. There was Da, draped around someone else and enjoying a long kiss. I felt like a fool but was also rather relieved. My guilt disappeared and I began to laugh. I certainly would not make the same mistake with any more Thai bar girls again… or would I?
Key Learning Points:
- The so called 3-day rule is quite popularly known in places like Pattaya but in my opinion it is nonsense. It is true that attachments can form very quickly, but everything depends upon how you manage your relationships. There’s nothing magical about day 3 and it is quite possible to be taken with a girl right from the first day. If you are taken with a girl then she will sense it and adjust her honey-trap accordingly.
- The story as a whole is very typical with regard to the way that Thai bar girls will treat their customers, and Jim’s response is also very typical. It really pays to stay focused on these first-time trips because it is very easy to think that you have found genuine emotions and affection when in fact you’re just another customer. Always treat the girls with respect, many have been through a tough ride, but don’t allow yourself to start thinking in terms of the ‘knight in shining armour’ mould. 'Rescuing' Thai bar girls is simply not possible in the vast majority of cases.
- Jim is unfortunate in his preferences as regards personality; ‘loud and excitable’ are most definitely not the traits of your typical good Thai girl and they almost always signify a great deal of previous experience with the naughty nightlife scene. A quiet and shy character does not guarantee anything though; so once again my advice is to not get involved in anything serious… if you do, the associated risk level is extreme.