Attack of the Ladyboy Hookers
By Geoff (from Bangkok)
Two guys get into trouble with a gang of Thai Ladyboy hookers on motorbikes…
It was late at night, maybe around 11pm. My friend and I left the Nana Plaza area; it was notorious for sexual escapades and unlimited amounts of debauchery. We were on holiday in Bangkok and couldn’t resist the opportunity though we found ourselves bleeding dry through our wallets.
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The realisation of the place was a lot different to what we had read online, I guess most of the time it usually is. The bar Spanky’s for example didn’t nearly have enough spanking happening, it was just another misleading gimmick and reserved for voyeurism only. A Thai lady gave us ambiguous directions to another place that she said were full of hot girls and much cheaper, this sounded like the perfect location for us, if we found it.
We set off on our journey, not asking anyone for advice due to feeling a bit awkward. We came towards a desolate street that we assumed this bar would be located at the end of as we could see some ladies in the distance. There were no street lights on this street and both our phone batteries were running low, so we didn’t dare turn on the flashlight in case we needed to make an emergency call or we get a message off tinder. We increased our walking pace as we headed towards this group of ladies, becoming increasingly more and more enticed with each step, thinking we have found the jackpot.
There was the possibility that if we weren’t intoxicated we may have been able to see through the illusion that all these women were actually Ladyboy hookers, but we didn’t, not for about 15 minutes. When we arrived, the Ladyboy hookers were very welcoming, offering us a drink and a few were dancing. I assumed that this was a cultural thing and so I participated in dancing as well. There was no bar but there were babes with beers and that was all we wanted and so we didn’t put up much of a fight. My friend Phil was already wrapping his arms around one of the Ladyboy hookers, completely oblivious of his new found beau’s shocking secret. I was beginning to feel a little nausea which at the time was the worst feeling when I was basking in the company of six beautiful women.
The first thing that made me sceptical that all was not as it seems was when one of the Ladyboy hookers started arguing with another, a fairly deep masculine voice echoed throughout the street. I glanced over at my friend and he was also looking back at me, also confused. We then continued to mingle with the Ladyboy hookers, not really concentrating on what had transpired. The second thing that made me contemplate something was amiss was when the girl I was with began rubbing her thigh inside mine, I could feel a small lump between her legs but my head was embedded into her breasts, cushioning me from free form thought. The third and final thing that made me panic was what I noticed from the corner of my eye, one of the ladyboys was urinating against the wall. I could see she was holding something…
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A new mission became apparent, to escape quickly. I was stuck in the grips of a Thai Ladyboy, a woman with the strength of a man. I whisper over to my pal, who’s got a ladyboy’s hand down his pants. “Phil, we need to leave” I instructed. He seemed agitated by my statement and reacted with a raised eyebrow. “I’m busy right now, Mike” he retorted back at me, followed by a cheesy grin towards his new friend. I attempted to retract away from the ladyboy that was gyrating in front of me like a spinning top. I told her I was married but that didn’t work so I told her I had diarrhoea and she casually unhinged herself from me. This gave me a moment to usher my friend aside and tell him what was happening. Dumbfounded and in shock, he quickly succumbed to turmoil having realised what things he had done.
One of the ladyboys comes over to disperse us, placing her hand down Phil’s crotch again as if it were cold. Phil jumps in panic and then stupidly pushes the ladyboy, who tumbles to the ground. She screams like a war cry and we realise we had better run as they formed a line. Some of them took off their shoes to use as weapons, others were swinging their handbags aggressively. We quickly sprinted towards civilisation but we took a wrong turn during the escalating panic. The sound of motorbikes revving and obnoxiously loud Ladyboy hookers were only meters away.
We are greeted with a dead end with nowhere to hide except for some red coloured bins. We glance inside to see them full of waste and cat shit. We know it’s probably a worse risk getting inside so we hide behind the bins, silently waiting for the angry ladyboys to come and find us. I figure that they were going to rob us so I set a trap. I place my wallet next to the top of the wall so they would think we had climbed it, inside was a few hundred baht. They may take the money and forget about us or we can use it as a decoy and sprint past them, either way I had to think of something.
Five minutes later, they arrive and they are storming the area, looking for our scent. I was surprised that they were still chasing us by this point. One of the ladyboys spots my wallet and takes a glimpse inside. I can see her briefly looking around, trying to pinpoint our trail but I doubt she was any Sherlock Holmes. If anything I guess she was trying to be the alpha female. She commands everyone to retreat, having got what they wanted. We stay motionless for another five minutes, still traumatised from the experience.
Anxious and worried, we scurry out of behind the bins, still afraid they might be waiting for us. We decide to alter our clothing to look different as a precaution by changing clothes and using some water from a puddle to change our hairstyles. We pace ourselves out of the street and manage to make it safe to the main street. Relieved and also angry, we head back to Nana Plaza to find the woman who advised us to go there in the first place. We enter the main area and find the same Thai lady. We question here extensively about our predicament and the trouble that had ensued. She was very vocal about having told us they were men. She laughed about the situation, emphasising that they were probably just super horny. We felt a bit idiotic as we didn’t really know Bangkok, but that was still no excuse for their behaviour. I guess we learned not to trust strangers from that point onwards.
We don’t really talk about the situation after leaving Bangkok, many of our friends would patronise us or tell us what we should have done. There’s no guidebook for such an experience, no online advice. It was a moment of misunderstanding, a confusing moment but we learned from it. We learned to question things too good to be true and not to feel the wrath of ladyboy hookers who are eager for western attention.