Isaan Girls and a Panicking Dad

Chris (from Bangkok)

“Hi, Jim, sorry to disturb you so late about Isaan girls of all things, but my son’s just told me he’s seriously dating one of them. He said he might be in love with her!” Jim scratched his head and yawned, desperately trying to see the dial on the clock next to his bed. God…, I wonder what time it is?

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He screwed his eyes shut for a nano-second, shook his head once and said, “Uh… hello, Wayne. You know it’s almost 2am here in Pattaya.” “Yes.., yes, I know, I’m sorry. But this is important…” continued the man on the other end of the phone. “I leave him alone in Pattaya for six weeks whilst I go back to the UK and look what happens.”

“He is twenty six, Wayne.”

“True, but Jim you know what Isaan girls are like. She’ll have him engaged, married or… worse still…” Wayne’s voice faltered as he took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. “…she’ll be pregnant before you know it and I’ll be a grandfather to a luk-kreung child that… that…”

Jim yawned again. He heard the distant noises of the city nightlife, still going strong in the early hours; the faint hum of the deep base sound of disco music; the occasional shout from the street below; the noise of tuk-tuks and motorcycles still careering around, taking their sinful, more than likely inebriated, passengers home. “So, what do you want me to do about it?”

“Well, you’re a man of the world. You’ve lived in Thailand for god knows how many years. Talk to him.”

Pattaya BayA typical sunset over Pattaya Bay...

“Talk to him?”

“Yes, he’ll listen to you. Just tell him what it’s all about. You know what it’s really like with Isaan girls.”

Jim heard the desperation in his old friend’s voice. “You mean tell him about the birds and the bees,” he remarked flippantly.

“Ha, ha, very funny…”

“It’s okay, I was only joking.” Jim smiled to himself. I’m probably not the best one to talk to anyone about the pitfalls of living in Pattaya and mixing with Isaan girls; not the best example of how to steer clear of women trouble in Thailand, but Wayne is a good friend and I’ve known his boy since he was 2 or 3. But will he listen when matters of the flesh come into play? “Have you got his number or, to show I’m not that much of an old-timer, should I say his Line address? I’ll try and reach him tomorrow.”

“Thanks Jim, appreciate it. I’ll be back in about 2 weeks if I can get away from this place.”

A ping on Jim’s phone showed a new Line message and he quickly glanced at the screen to see it was from Wayne: his son’s phone number and Line ID.

“Got it,” he said, and yawned again. “I’ll let you know how I get on. Alright Wayne, good night for now, or should I say good morning?” 

Jim turned his phone onto silent, stretched slightly, took a drink from the bottle of water by the side of his bed and jumped back under the bed sheets. Searching for the comfort of the warm, dark skinned young Isaan girl he’d brought home only hours before; hands slipping around her small waist, glancing off her exposed breasts with their dark nipples seemingly permanently erect; his cock hardening almost instantly as it touched the softness of her buttocks.

“Mmmm..” the woman murmured involuntarily, by no means awake, but aware enough to know that another body was pressing itself as hard as it could against hers; an erect cock seeking her warm spot. Jim screwed his eyes closed tightly as the first waves of impending pleasure began to course through him. Now what was her name again, he thought, as he snuggled closer to her?

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A sermon about Isaan Girls

He’d only managed to reach Wayne’s son, Kim, in the early evening of the next day and, so, it was the Wednesday lunchtime before he found himself sitting admiring the view across Pattaya Bay from the open terrace of one of his favourite vegetarian restaurants. The Bay sparked almost incandescently in the sunshine and Jim watched as a multitude of pleasure craft, sailing boats, jet-skis and almost anything else that sailed criss-crossed each others paths, avoiding collisions in some cases by what seemed like only millimetres.

Kim, a tall handsome young man with a flop of blonde hair strode in purposefully a few minutes later and, with a cheery “Hello, Uncle Jim!” he slid into the chair alongside the older man. He moved his chair slightly to ensure that he too had a view of the beautiful vista in front of them.

“Hi Kim, long time since we’ve caught up,” said Jim, offering the young man his hand. “You’re looking well. How’s the world treating you?” They made small talk for a while, ordered some fresh fruit juices and decided they’d both take the healthy buffet lunch on offer.

“When’s your Dad due back?” asked Jim some twenty five minutes later, acknowledging a waitress as she began clearing the remnants of their lunch from the table.

“Oh…, a couple more weeks, maybe longer. Why, any problems?”

“Oh, er no….” responded Jim shrugging his shoulders and beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable. He fiddled with the collar of his tee-shirt, suddenly feeling a few beads of perspiration form on his forehead. “No. No, your father just asked me to make sure you were okay, that’s all.”

Kim flashed Jim a questioning look, his brow furrowed. “Uncle Jim” he said, dragging out the way he said the older man’s name. “Obviously, I know my Dad. And I know you well too. Something’s amiss.”

Jim pouted his lips, shrugged again and, for over thirty seconds, a lingering silence sat between the two men. He inhaled deeply through his nose trying to get himself ready to deliver the sermon.

“Ah…!” cried Kim, suddenly. “I know. It’s Nui, isn’t it?”


“Nui, my girlfriend, dad’s always been worried about one of the Isaan girls getting to me and one of them has. Aaah… I bet he’s asked you to talk to me, hasn’t he?” asked Kim, rhetorically, flashing Jim a broad smile. “Ha, ha, yes that’s it!”

“Hmm, well” began Jim, still unsure how to start what he wanted to say.

Kim laughed. “Actually, it’s quite ironic, don’t you think, Uncle Jim. Asking you to advise me about Isaan girls is like asking the poacher to turn gamekeeper; isn’t that the expression?” He laughed again.

This time Jim laughed too. I guess the boy’s absolutely right, he thought, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Before Jim could respond, Kim was off again. “I can just imagine what my father wanted you to say to me,” he said. The young man paused, a light smile dancing on his lips. “I know, let me tell you what I think he probably said. And, if I’m right, you can buy me a coffee at Starbucks later!”

“Okay, go on then.”

“I bet he said something like: all Isaan girls are only after you for your money; they don’t really love you and will cheat, lie and forever plot how best to take advantage of any farang they are able to coerce into dating them, never mind marrying them; you will never be high on their list of people they really care about, always being behind their immediate family, their extended family, their friends and so on; they will do anything in their power to get a foreigner to marry them, with getting pregnant as soon as they possibly can being their preferred method”

Jim leaned forward; both elbows on the table in front of him; hands covering his face, fingers gently rubbing his eyes. “Okay, stop, yes you’re right, you win!” he said from behind his hands. When he sat back straight up and took his hands away from his face, Kim was beaming at him. “Could you please let my Dad know he’s wrong?”

Jim frowned, “Huh?”

“Nui might be an Isaan girl, but she has an MSc from a London University, is a qualified doctor and is working in a Pattaya hospital on secondment, training to be a surgeon… and, oh, her mother and father are both surgeons. In fact, it’s probably me dating their daughter that her family should be worried about, rather than my dad worrying about Isaan girls” laughed Kim. “Don’t you think?”

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