Wesley (from the USA)
I'd been enjoying the casual Bangkok sex scene with online ladies for months and I'd run into the same problem almost every time; significant time and energy invested in the initial stages, and no real sustainable chemistry once we'd had a chance to spend some actual time together.
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The other end of the spectrum, as I'd experienced it, were the Thai girls who would approach me with a forwardness that was off-putting or even scary.
I wanted to meet sane and grounded Thai girls, but girls who weren't going to delay the inevitable, the face to face encounter. The whole routine of message-stage formalities had gotten to be so repetitive that I'd started to play with the idea of setting up an automated series of pre-prepared responses to save myself some time. I decided to give up the white knight act and lay out my whole casual Bangkok sex agenda on the table from the first message.
Fear is a useful emotion, and I bear the scars of not always having had enough respect for it, but in this situation it was a good thing to let go of. I decided that if a Thai woman was comfortable enough with her sexuality to post openly about it online then it shouldn’t be a problem if I felt like being very direct about my agenda. I want to assert that this wasn't a soulless quest for physical contact, there are plenty of instant gratification Bangkok sex establishments for that, but I could only stand so much precursory flirtation. I needed a girl with an open attitude towards intimacy.
Aom had portrayed herself as a worldly, open-minded, and very sexual person, so I threw my hook in the water.
My introductory message was very direct. First, I stated what it was that I was looking for; in this case an intelligent and engaging person with whom I could exchange intimacy. Then I sold myself, listed my attributes of romantic value – cooking, musical ability, fitness, etc. Finally, and I think this was an important part of the whole pitch, I made clear admission of my most glaring flaws. I can be distant, I need periods of isolation and my condo is not sanitary nor does it have a pleasant smell. That last one is pretty high on most Thai girls' lists, “good smell”, so that's an important disclosure for me to make.
I actually took the whole lack of pretence a step further and wore my favourite shirt which wasn't particularly intact. She was taking night classes and I arranged to meet her near the campus for a drink. I got there early. I jumped up to attention when I saw her coming; sparks flew immediately and the conversation was quick and focused. Within thirty minutes we were in a cab headed back to my place, which wasn't clean. As we climbed into my half-made bed she gave me the complete run down of her current romantic involvements, intentions, and erotic ambitions; she was unbelievably direct. Unless money has been discussed, the Bangkok sex scene tends to develop much more slowly than this, so it seemed that my new direct approach online was working well.
While there was a good deal of pawing and rolling around, we didn't jump straight into the main event. We spent hours talking about nothing in particular and laughing like hell about all of it. She'd gone through private schools and spent a lot of time overseas so her level of English was quite high, but she was still very much a woman of Thailand.
Shopping of course is the national pastime of the fairer sex, and a casual Bangkok sex acquaintance is no exception. Nor was she lax in the grooming of her nails or the stocking of scrubs, creams, lotions and fragrances. And it's difficult for me to say how much of it was her because this time I feel I was equally guilty, but there was constant messaging.
Once she started coming over regularly the bad smell was something that she decided to deal with. She bought me a bunch of cleaning supplies and put little cups of fragrant oils with sticks stuck into them all around the condo, there were a selection of approved sprays too. I wasn't allowed to spray anything else. Unlike most Thai girls I'd dated in the past, she left it at that. Generally I've found they'll start cleaning even if it isn't completely necessary and you'd rather they didn't. I had no expectation of her cleaning anything, but she did lay down a very exacting set of standards that I had to meet, or else.
Now, whether it was monogamous or not, I had a relationship with the expectation of clean quarters and regular contact, and I was being encouraged by various means to explore other avenues of the Bangkok sex scene; so I did.
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Feeling compelled to do it, I was more or less emotionless about the whole thing and snapped at the first chick who seemed interested. She was an English woman, the Bangkok sex scene is not limited to Thai girls, a few years my senior and most graciously endowed. Our initial exchanges wasted nothing on pleasantries, lest you count a graphic picture exchange. She had a few x-rated videos too; I thought I had it made.
The actual experience was tragic. I was read poetry, I was drawn into a bizarre and prolonged sort of petting, the viewing of a teen angst chick flick, and she kept gnashing her teeth and growling at me in the most unappealing way possible. It was horrifying and I'd agreed to spend two nights. I'd done what I thought I was obligated to do the morning after the first night, but her hands were greedy and forever probing and squeezing unsympathetically. A very real sense of dread had begun to creep over me when Aom called, and she was a little bit angry. Apparently I was obliged to let her know if I'd planned to make an extended stay and I was supposed to go meet her at my place immediately. I leapt at the out.
Things changed after that and a strict code of disclosure was imposed on me. I had to let her know of anyone I planned to chat with before I chatted with them, and I had to give her access to all my accounts so that she could read my communications. And she did, finding reason to criticize almost everything in there. She gave me access to Facebook, Okcupid, Thaifriendly, and all of that kind of stuff too, but I only glanced at it as a sort of formality.
I was busy with work and with Aom, and as much as it seemed like an open buffet of potential Thai lovers, I didn't have the energy to partake of it. And so far as I could tell, neither did Aom.
Having assumed she was operating under the same ‘Bangkok sex disclosure protocol’ that I was, it also made sense for me to assume that she, too, had not found time for any other playmates. So when I called her one Friday evening I expected she wouldn't be doing anything after work and would want to come over, in anticipation of which I'd picked up a load of seafood at the market.
“Can we talk tomorrow? I'm meeting someone for dinner tonight.”
“Huh? Since when? Dinner with whom?”
“Adrian, since earlier today. He just wants some information about the club.”
“Uh, oh, ok.”
She was involved in all sorts of clubs, so I overate of seafood and khanom and went to bed early.
The range of online dating profiles vary in terms of 'sexual liberation'...
...but you should always be on your best behaviour. Good manners are very important.
Both short term fun and serious romance is available, but choose wisely if you want the latter!
She called me at 8:30 on Saturday morning, and sounded manic. She loved me so much, I was so fantastic, and she had to see me immediately. I went straight over and my second foot hadn't crossed the threshold before she pounced, all cooing and kissing and praise.
It wasn't until we were within heartbeats of our laying together getting biblical that I asked what had been up with Adrian. The momentary flash of expression told me everything I needed to know.
“Was he here?” She nodded bashfully. “Did you..” I got a bit vulgar here but her answer was yes. “When the hell were you going to tell me?”
Her phone beeped. A message flashed on the screen. She hadn't given me access to her Line or email accounts and a sudden realization hit me. I looked at her, looked at the phone, looked at her again and grabbed the phone. I read through several chats, all with other dudes, all graphic, all with meetings in the planning phase.
This is not an uncommon double standard in the non-committal Bangkok sex scene, but my trust felt profoundly violated. I'd acquiesced to sexual openness, but I'd done it with the agreement of mutual disclosure. Obviously this agreement had been grievously violated. With things already being on the frontier of acceptability to me, Aom's attempt to spin any negative emotion about the situation as being a reflection of some character flaw I possessed pushed me over the edge.
The attraction was effectively killed, at least for the time being. We
eventually managed a much less involved situation that served as a
pleasant something, sometimes. I surrendered to the idea that until I
was ready to take something very seriously this was the sort of
situation I was likely to continue facing. I went back to chatting with
different Thai girls, dating some, running away from others, but without
going out of my way to anticipate “the one”.
I had the best luck when I was open to the experience of love or real closeness, but not so eager I tried to force it on the situation. The online Bangkok sex scene opens the field a whole lot, for men and women, and with so much competition everyone is more hesitant to move anything too quickly. If they aren't they're desperate to grab on to someone, and there can be a lot of different motives behind that. I say try to keep an open mind, and an appointment book.
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